Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
