what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
