Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
