goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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