I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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