one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
