i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
