Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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