the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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