HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
