Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
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I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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