who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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