dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
