He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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