I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
