I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
