come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
