Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
