i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
