New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
