that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
