it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
