Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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