I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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