Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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