I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
birth control should be required to get into college
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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