I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
