I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Randomize
