he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Even my vagina gasped.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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