so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
