you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
