Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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