Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i think i have herpe
just one?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
