There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
