If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Randomize
