You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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