That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
