yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
