so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
