I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
