guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
