i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
