and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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