I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
