Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
