I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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