the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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