bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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