I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
