He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize