Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
