I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
