It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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