you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
