...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
