Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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