im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
