everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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