He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Randomize
