Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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