hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
