forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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