got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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