my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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