I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
