The maid of honor just puked.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
