and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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