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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
