we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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