My hand turned me down
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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