I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
zippers are such a cool invention
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
