He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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